It was a warm January day, I was outside playing in the yard. I walked by a lonely looking soccer ball, so I kicked it. It rolled underneath our deck. I was always scared of underneath the deck. It was dark and ominous. Creepy creatures lived down there, so I thought. I took a deep breath and found some courage to retrieve my ball. I got down on my belly and reached to grab the ball. What was that I could feel? It was mushy and cold. It felt like ice cream! Turns out it was just snow from last week. It hadn't melted underneath the deck.
8 Comments
Aaliyah
1/19/2015 01:08:37 am
Hey Liana!
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Hello,
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olivia
1/20/2015 09:42:57 pm
thank
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Great job Shea! I like you choice of wording
1/20/2015 09:56:59 pm
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Liam
1/22/2015 05:14:14 pm
Wow! Really, wow! I loved all the description you put in this piece of writing! It really is amazing! Keep up the good work!
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Emily
1/22/2015 06:42:24 pm
Good intro to your story. I like that you've set the scene by telling the reader what was going on, but maybe you could add a bit more description to encourage the reader to read on. I love the adjectives you have used such as 'ominous' and 'creepy'. The ending was a complete surprise to me!
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Khadija
1/25/2015 04:25:19 am
This 100wc is very good. You have used some very good vocabulary like ' ominous, retrieve, creepy creatures.' I like how you used a question aswell. Nex time use better punctuation for example ' It was a warm January day:I was outside playing in the yard. Instead of starting your sentences with ' I ', you could have said ' However, i took a deep breath and found some courage to retrieve my ball'
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AuthorMr. Stehm's 4th Grade - Columbia Elementary - Joplin, Missouri Archives
January 2015
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